Some Days

Life just seems to be moving forward, at such a slow, yet quick pace, without me - in a direction I hadn’t ever envisioned.
I’m not sad though, don’t get me wrong…I’ve just been thinking.
My mind is always going…over and over about the things that were or could have been. The places I’ve been or could have gone. The things I’ve done, or had the oppurtunity to do. The things I’ve said, or didn’t say. All these scenarios, all these choices - good and bad, happy and sad, painful yet needed (or so I thought at the time). One by one, they invade my mind - constant thoughts of the past still haunting my every being, in this present time.
If you knew me before, you’d see the growth. I am not at all the same person I was years ago. I’d like to say I’ve matured - learned to take things in stride, living each day as it happened.
But sometimes…just sometimes…like some horrible case of deja-vu, I feel like that scared little girl all over again - so afraid of the unknown - so afraid of what lies ahead. I know that nothing is guaranteed. Life is definitely what you make it. Its not about making the right choices - instead its about sometimes making the wrong choices, then learning from each one for future reference.
I guess I just don’t know what’s out there for me. I want to make my place in this world doing the only thing that’s ever made sense to me. I’m not getting any younger. I know ill have to make due with the hand that I’ve been dealt. The choices I’ve made have definitely played a huge part into where I am today. Life goes on…whether I want to put it on hold, or not. Things happen that sometimes we have no control over. But I just try to remember that although we cannot control what happens, we can always control what to do with the situation presented.
I need a muse - some sort of inspiration, but I don’t want to search. Inspiration is best when its unexpected.
I’m not complaining though. I’m just saying…there is a story of struggle behind every success story..and mine will definitely be one hell of a story to tell.
Even if everything I write never gets acknowledged…I don’t think that what I want is about that. I write because its my way of releasing and escaping, the best way I know that provides me with the most serenity. For all I know, there are always the same 2 or 3 people who even care to read what I write. And that’s fine. So long as 1, just ONE person can take something…anything…from what I’m writing.
I want to surround myself with people who are passionate - who can hopefully inspire me with their drive and ambitions.
For now, ill take each day with a grain of salt…little by little…in baby steps.
Good things come to those who wait.And my time is definitely coming.